


Say Something, I'm Not Giving Up On Us

by JustSmileStuffHappens (ksz13)



Series: Buddie / 9-1-1 Prompt Fills [54]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Arguing, Breaking Up & Making Up, Communication, Crimes & Criminals, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Emotional Constipation, Feelings, Home, I Love You, Insecurity, Insomnia, Leaving Home, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Overthinking, Problems, Relationship Discussions, Relationship Negotiation, Relationship Problems, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Separation Anxiety, Sharing a Bed, Talking, Therapy, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25037278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksz13/pseuds/JustSmileStuffHappens
Summary: *Dialogue prompt: Upset Buck: I am not exhausting. I am not your husband and even though I would have loved being that, now I honestly don't think I should even want to be, not after what you've said, how awful you made me feel, and the fact that not once did you think to apologize for hurting me like that. What you said to me that day at the grocery store has tainted how I see myself and every action I take. I give you my all Edmundo, but what do I really get in return from you?*
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie / 9-1-1 Prompt Fills [54]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582147
Comments: 4
Kudos: 159





	Say Something, I'm Not Giving Up On Us

**Author's Note:**

> when will I not alter prompt? We just don't know.

**_Say Something, I'm Not Giving Up On Us_**

  
  


Buck felt great. His leg was healing, good as new. He was back to work and almost off all of his medications since then. It had been rocky coming back but the others came around to him.

It had finally happened. Don't ask him how but he'd asked Eddie out and he'd accepted it. They'd been dating for what felt like a month when in reality it was probably closer to two weeks. Buck had the day of their first date marked but he'd just felt this was all a dream though.

They hadn't gotten around to how they'd tell Christopher but they would eventually. It wasn't that different though. And as long as they kept it professional at work they were fine.

So it goes without saying that everything had to go to shit.

It started when they were at a bar with the others from the 118. A few of the crew members who didn't usually make it or tag along were able to go this time.

Buck had ordered Eddie's preferred beer and his own. Eddie reminded him to take it easy since he was still on his meds for a bit. Buck knew that and Eddie was just being concerned for his best friend and now boyfriend too. It was okay.

"God. You two argue like an old married couple." Erik had said getting looks from everyone as he slurred it out over his mug. They laughed it off though.

"Someone's had a little too much to drink already." His friend and partner at work, Lisa, said as she got him a water.

It just rubbed Buck the wrong way. He couldn't place it. They weren't even arguing really.

He let it go as Eddie pulled him away to play a round of pool.

Buck could hold his own but Eddie was a lot better at it. It turned on Buck to no end.

It wasn't until almost an hour later that the bomb Erik had unknowingly planted in Bucks head finally detonated.

"I can't do this." Buck said suddenly to him.

"What?" Eddie asked, spitting into his beer. 

"I've gotta go. I'm going to mine." Buck put down his cue and went to drop a bill for his drink.

Eddie was trying to get his wallet out of his pocket to pay so he could catch up to him.

In his haste he knocked his beer into the pool table earning shouts as he finally got it out.

He came outside to Buck already pulling away. His bag was at Eddie's though. Buck would need to come by and get it or Eddie would have to drop it off for him before his next shift the following afternoon.

Eddie: Did I do something? Did I say something?

His text was unread and he got no reply for it for a while.

Eddie wanted to go over to Buck's but he had to relieve Carla and didn't want to push Buck if he needed space.

Eddie: I'm sorry, if I did something. You can call me when you're ready to talk.

He didn't understand what was happening. They were good. Things were all good. So why had Buck up and left in a rush?

* * *

Buck sat at his table. It wasn't his. All of his things fit into what three or four bags in his jeep.

He was in a shitty mood. 

'You're exhausting.' Eddie had said that. But they moved past it. Or had they?

'I forgive you.' Eddie had also said to Buck after.

But.

He'd never actually said he was sorry about what he told him.

So he meant it. Right?

Buck looked down at where his hand was fidgeting on the table. It bothered him.

Eddie forgave Buck. But, he didn't take back what he said. Didn't apologize for it either so-

Buck looked at where his phone was. There was a message that he'd avoided while in his jeep.

He'd have to talk to Eddie eventually, go over to his place. But Buck wasn't ready. Would he ever be ready to talk about it?

Buck left his phone there. He couldn't trust himself not to call in the middle of the night. Beg. 

He didn't still see him like that- or did he? Buck unintentionally picked at this wound. Fuck.

Buck couldn't sleep. Thankfully he didn't work until later the next day but it wasn't that better.

* * *

Eddie was looking at his phone. It felt odd not having Buck sleeping besides him.

They'd only recently begun sleeping in the same bed but already Eddie missed it. It felt so natural, but without Buck-

He'd messed up something. Somehow. It had to be him. 

Eddie had ruined the best thing that had happened to him and Christopher in a long time.

Christopher was asleep so he didn't know Buck hadn't come home with Eddie that night.

What would he even tell him? If he asked. Buck’s at his home. 

They both knew their home was Buck's home. Buck felt at home with them in their house. It was his too. He belonged here.

Eddie would call him. He should call him. But- did he want him to? Would that mess things up more? Damn it. 

Eddie felt suffocated by his blanket as he tossed it off.

He wouldn't get much sleep tonight and he knew it. 

* * *

Buck got up. He felt a little better. Maybe being a little buzzed made things worse.

There was a knock at his door as he was getting ready.

Eddie had a key. He'd always had it except he stayed away during the lawsuit. It collected metaphorical dust on his keyring.

Buck opened the door to him. 

"We should talk." Buck got out. His throat felt raw for having just gotten up and thrown on pants.

"Yeah. I think we should." Eddie nodded with a deep frown. 

They sat across the table. Instead of their usual sitting at the island. It gave Buck some room to get stuff off his chest.

His bag lay at the front door.

Had Eddie brought it to kick him out? No, right? He just knew Buck would need it for the coming shift tonight.

"Did I do something or say something last night? I don't think I did, but I could be wrong." Eddie said from his side.

"No.-" Buck swallowed. 

Eddie stayed quiet. He had a feeling Buck wasn't done.

"Not last night." Buck looked to be deep in thought.

"What did I do? When then?" Eddie asked him. 

"At Howie's." 

Eddie knew Buck wasn't talking about Chimney's place.

That day had come back to haunt his thoughts a few times. But how many times had it been in Buck's head then?

"I know we kinda made up. We moved past it. I just-"

Eddie braced himself.

'I can't do this'

'I don't love you'

'I can't forgive you'

'I want to trust you but I can't'

All options would kill him.

Eddie knew it.

He needed Buck. 

Buck didn't need them.

Right?

"You never said you were sorry- about what you said. I want to believe that you didn't mean it. But- you said it. And the worst part is- that I believed it." Buck finally looked up at Eddie.

"Buck- I am sorry." Eddie said. How could he make him see?

"I- can you leave? I'll see you at work." Buck looked near tears.

"I'm sorry. I'll say it however many times I need to. I am." Eddie got up.

He didn't want to leave but this was Buck's place. And he didn't want to upset him more. 

"I'll prove it to you. I swear." Eddie finally took a breath.

He withdrew his hand from where he longed to touch Buck.

He'd see him at work.

* * *

The others picked up on things. How could they not really?

Eddie and Buck were like magnets that's polarities were altered so they couldn't touch. 

Buck was upstairs. 

Eddie was downstairs.

Buck came to wash the truck.

Eddie went to the gym.

He'd try to talk to Buck but at the first sign he wasn’t ready he stopped and tried again later.

It hurt. 

But he'd hurt Buck didn't he?

So maybe it was fair. 

They were still in sync on calls. But the second they were off the truck it was back to silence.

"Okay. What happened?" Hen asked. Something was up.

"Did you two break up?" Chimney asked. 

Okay. Maybe they did know. 

"I don't- maybe. I guess we're on a break." Eddie said as he looked down at Buck helping the others to stock the trucks.

"What happened?" Hen asked.

"It was me. I messed it up."

"Well, if you messed it up then you know you can fix it." Chimney told him. "You two will work this out."

The pat on Eddie's shoulder as he and Hen left was welcome.

* * *

Buck left work. 

He wanted nothing more than to go to Eddie's, kiss Christophers head, and go to sleep together.

But how could he do that.

How could he really know that Eddie was sorry.

He hadn't felt this down since before he left home.

That argument he didn't tell Maddie about.

How things came to a head.

He was so tired of feeling unwanted and shamed by them.

Buck left right after graduation. As soon as he got his actual diploma that he could use.

They were tired of him. They didn't want him. So he gave them what they wanted.

He couldn't say he left though.

Leaving implies it was a choice.

He was pushed away by them.

Buck pulled up to the place before he even knew it.

In his autopilot head he'd driven to Christopher’s school even though it was after hours.

Through those doors was the first time he'd seen them both. Well, seen them both together.

Eddie's face as he came back was so much more relieved.

It was like Christopher was a cure-all. Which he kinda was.

Wasn't that why Eddie had pushed Buck to get up and spend the day with him. 

Trusted him again with him, so soon after that disaster of a day.

A light flashed behind his jeep.

"Exit your vehicle."

Great.

* * *

Eddie got home to the driveway empty. Buck could make it before him sometimes. 

Carla left as he saw Christopher was still up playing an educational game he'd gotten for Christmas last year.

It was a little past his bedtime but he didn't have school tomorrow either so he'd let him.

When he saw the I.D. of what was calling him he picked it up so fast on reflex.

"Eddie?" Buck asked.

"Yeah. Are you okay? What happened?" He asked.

"I was trespassing, on school grounds, after hours. I didn't have my badge to pick up Christopher so they didn't believe me. It's in Carla's car since we share yours."

And if Eddie didn't sigh in relief.

He wasn’t hurt. He was okay.

"I'll be right there. I have to get Chris in the truck." Eddie said.

"Thanks. I'm sorry-"

"No. You'd do the same for me."

'I should have called. Lawsuit be damned. You would have helped me. I know it now. I knew it then.'

Christopher looked excited for a late night drive. 

"Where are we going?" He asked innocently.

"To pick up Buck. He got in a little trouble." Eddie told him.

He got Christopher out of his seat and asked the officer at the front to watch him while he went further in to talk to the officer who'd found Buck.

He felt a little better that this portion was cut off from where they took in offenders. While it wasn't ideal he couldn't just leave Christopher at home and dropping him off at someone else's would raise questions.

It was harder for Eddie to hide his worry than it usual was.

But Eddie cleared things up or well they tried their best.

The officer was understanding as Eddie explained things.

Buck said he was driving by and forgot the time. He hadn't meant to stay there longer than for a second, really, he hadn't.

Eddie showed his paperwork that was near the front door in case of an emergency, similar to this. Buck was a designated pick up as authorized by Eddie.

"You were still trespassing but since you weren't outside of your vehicle and didn't do anything to the property we can let it slide." The officer said to Buck. "But please don't go doing it again. The old lady that lives nearby thought someone was breaking in or gonna vandalize it." 

They could tell she called before from the look on their face.

"I won't. I just needed to think. I'm sorry officer."

"No harm done. But please go home and don't do it again. You two have a kid. Be an example."

Eddie didn't correct them. He went one step further even. 

  
  


"He's a great example, and he won't do it again." Eddie nodded.

They came out of the back to see Christopher telling the front desk officer jokes.

"Buck." He looked up.

"Hey bud."

They still had more to talk about and they still had to go pick up Buck's jeep before it got towed in the morning.

* * *

After Christopher telling Buck he had to follow the rules. They were finally home in two vehicles.

Buck helped to put Christopher to bed alongside Eddie.

With his door cracked and light snoring heard they went to the kitchen to talk.

"I'm sorry. Thanks for-" Buck began to say.

"No. You have nothing to be sorry about. And you needed me. We have each other's backs, remember?"

"Before I went on my trip, to find myself. I felt lost." Buck said.

Eddie nodded for him to go on.

"I was never good enough for my parents. Good grades weren't perfect. If I didn't win the league then what was practice and their money for? I left, but they didn't miss me, so did I really leave?" Buck got choked up. "I guess you thought I left you. But I could never leave you. I care too much about you to do that. I might have gone about it wrong but- I never wanted to hurt you."

Buck's eyes were closed with tears crawling down his face.

"You didn't. Not on purpose. I should have seen you were hurting more. And I get having a bad relationship with your parents. But it's a two way street. And I said that. I shouldn't have. It wasn't all on you. It was more than you. It was me and my parents, and Shannon, and Christopher. It wasn't your fault. You were my go to. I got so used to you being there- I- I fell apart with you gone. I should have called you. I should have told you. But it's too late now. All I can say is that I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that, Buck. And you would have tried to help but I was so hurt I couldn't see." Eddie let it out. It hurt to admit it, but it was the truth. Buck deserved to hear it. 

Buck finally opened his eyes.

"Fuck." Buck sighed. 

"Yeah. You can say that again." Eddie nodded.

"We're dumb." Buck shook his head in disbelief. 

"Nah. Frank says it's just bad communication skills that need to be unlearned." Eddie laughed.

And wasn't that music to Buck's ears.

Buck wrapped Eddie in his arms.

It felt like home.

Eddie kissed his cheek.

"God I missed you."

"I missed you too. The both of you." Buck nodded. 

Eddie felt every movement of Buck's body from where they were touching. At every point.

"I could never get tired of you. I need you. Christopher needs you. And we'll always want you. As long as you want us too." Eddie swore it to him.

"I do. I couldn't sleep. I want to be with you both so much. There's nothing else I've ever wanted more, Eddie." Buck whispered.

It was scary to say it. To bring truth to the world. Put what he felt into verbal form.

"Good. Because I want you. No matter how much I have to do better. Talking. If it's important to you, then I'll do more than try."

Buck kissed him then.

Eddie kissed him after resting their foreheads together.

"I love you." Buck told Eddie.

They hadn't gotten to that point yet. It was a big step. They'd said it in round about ways. 

'We love you Buck.'

'I love you guys.'

But never-

"I love you too Buck, so much." Eddie said as he gently wiped a tear from Buck's cheek. 

"I'm ready to crash right about now." Buck let more of his weight fall into Eddie's hold.

"Let's go to bed." Eddie guided him over to their room, their bed. 

They got there with less clothes on as they pulled back the covers. Buck fell asleep with Eddie's arm possessively over his middle. Buck's hand took a hold of Eddie's. 

No matter what would happen. Whatever was ahead of them. They'd face it together.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This turned out different than I expected it to myself but I kinda like it. Here it is.


End file.
